Oh, my system is so slow
What do 300 files in the root folder and 2,500 temporary files have in common? Besides record-breaking events, they'll slow your system down to a crawl. Throw in a couple of rogue malware programs and a few gigabytes in your Internet cache folder, and you'll get better performance from the '486 in the closet.
You're laughing, sure, but the above examples are true and I'll bet you know someone with a machine with clogged folders. (And I wouldn't even dream of asking when you last did some PC housekeeping.)
I'll start with a sensible-shoes short course on how to rid your system of unnecessary files and maybe give it back some oomph. In another newsletter, I'll deal with your collection of malware and spyware.
Start by downloading and installing CCleaner. It's the smartest and safest program to get rid of files you don't need on your system. (When you get to the page, it's easier to download the tool from the Alternate Download location rather than from FileHippo.) As you install, de-select the first two items. You'll decrease desktop clutter and access CCleaner through the Recycle Bin icon (see screen below).
De-select these two items
for a cleaner installation.
Once you install and run the program, check boxes as shown on the two screen captures below. As you can see, CCleaner will take care of the temp files as well as the Internet cache folder; just ignore those apps you don't use. By the way, you can protect your privacy by selecting the History, Recently Typed URLs, and Last Download Location boxes. Be careful, though, and uncheck the Cookies box; otherwise you'll have to log into all your favorite Web sites all over again.
Here's how to setup CCleaner's deletion skills.
Now open CCleaner by right-clicking on the Recycle Bin and choosing Open CCleaner; then select Analyze and Run Cleaner.
The one thing CCleaner won't do is remove corrupted temporary files -- and those can create havoc. So spend another few minutes and clean the Temp folder again to delete these wonky files CCleaner can't handle. Click Start, Run, type %temp%, and press Enter. Press Ctrl-A to select all the files, and then press the Delete key.
While you're here cleaning house, check all your ActiveX files for corruption. This won't necessarily speed up your system, but it might help reduce system crashes. Here's how to do it: Click Start, Settings, Control Panel, Internet Options, choose the General tab, click Settings in Browsing history, and then click View Objects.
Delete every item that says anything except Installed or Unknown. Now right-click each "unknown" item and try to determine if it belongs to a program you can identify. If it doesn't, right-click and choose Remove it. Don't worry, Windows won't scold you. If your system needs the ActiveX control, it'll reinstall it.
Next, right-click each item and choose Update. (This is a one-item-at-a-time process.) Agree when the dialog asks if you want to download and install the updates.
In the lede, the opening paragraph, I mentioned the root folder. That's the "C:/" folder you see in Windows Explorer. It should have a just a handful of system files. Explaining which files to keep and which to delete is risky, and if you dump the wrong ones, there will be holy hell the next time you boot -- for both of us. (You don't have my home number, do you?) The safest advice is that if you have fewer than 40 files, don't worry. If you have more, find yourself a knowledgeable friend and let him or her have a look.
Google This
The requests always come with a whine. "I don't know why," they start, "but when I try installing uninstalling a program, it says 1706 Error." I know you receive e-mail with this sort of request for help; I definitely get lots of them. (Of course, the message is never written so elegantly; instead, it's usually in one 300-word sentence.)
Instead of doing the Google digging for them, I use "Let Me Google That For You" and send them the supplied link. The trick is sure to tick off lots of people, and you might not want to use it with your boss. See what it does with the 1706 error... [Thanks to Mike Dessoye.]
Carve the Bird
Here in the States, we take a few days off this time of year and spend it eating turkey, snoozing, and watching football. I discovered a New York Times video that shows you the right way to carve a turkey.
Holy Mackerel!
PC Magazine used to publish every two weeks and in their heyday, the issues were thick -- 400 pages or more. Bad news, kids, because PC Magazine's last print issue is in January. [Note: This page is slow to load.] Don't confuse the two magazines. The one I still occasionally write for -- PC World -- is still kicking. At least for now.
One interesting note: The article says, "'The January issue will be the last print edition. The Ziff Davis Media title's move to a purely digital operation eliminates jobs for seven people,' reports Nat Ives." Only seven people, you're thinking? My guess is they've already eliminated jobs in preparation for folding the magazine.
Time Wasters
You may have the next four days off and I want to be sure you have plenty to do. So I piled on the time wasters this week.
Is there a full moon coming up? One would think so after clicking around Snarg.net.
We all have favorite blogs. Most of the time you know if it's written by a man or a woman, probably because you know who's writing it. But try plugging in the link of those blogs into the GenderAnalyzer. The site claims to be able to tell if the website is by a female or a male; I tried and it was right 7 out of 8 tries. [Thanks Cousin Judy.]
Gentoo penguins are adorable, I know, but like most birds, they're not very bright. This one, however, knew how best to dodge her predators. (Also, watch for the Orca that comes up to the Zodiac for a quick look.)
The Did You Know video runs for almost 5 minutes and it's an eye-opener, filled with numbers about technology that will stop you in your tracks. When I watched (twice, actually), I thought about my 87-year old father who, when he was born, couldn't have imagined the cell phone, never mind e-mail and text messaging. [Thanks to Thom Kwant for this lead.]
Dogs are smart, yet klutzy. But cats are dumb as rocks. Don't believe me? Watch this dopey cat.
[Oh, c'mon, it's a KITTEN. A full-grown cat would never be so undignified. -- Editor]
Had enough? I thought not. So here's a logic game that'll help tighten up your synapses. I like it because there are no instrux, so you have to figure it out on your own. However, I don't want you to strain yourself, so flip the monitors this way and that until they're, well, logically flipped.
Do the Right Thing
Look, I know you've already forwarded that dopey cat video to a dozen friends and co-workers. I'll bet you even sent my trick to delete corrupt temp files to your IT gal. So do the right thing and send them the whole dang newsletter.
_____________________
Even though he's carving a turkey (the right way, too), Steve Bass is not touching the luscious, crackly, heart-stopping skin. Nonetheless, he'll be checking e-mail at half time. Send him your feedback at TechBite.
Steve Bass is still on the PC World masthead and is publisher and Content Chief at TechBite.com. He's also the author of "PC Annoyances, 2nd Edition: How to Fix the Most Annoying Things About Your Personal Computer," available on Amazon. Buy another copy today.
